When a partner triggers us, it’s often because unconsciously they remind us of someone in our past, and we (or our nervous system) responds in ways that are more appropriate to the past than the present,e.g. rage, controlling behaviour, people pleasing. Disentangling what belongs to the past, and present can bring major shifts in relationship dynamics. These can include proximity issues, attachment styles, mother/father projections, parent/child transference, etc.

Triggers

Loss of trust

Trust forms the foundation of any strong relationship. When trust is compromised, each person may begin to act defensively or even confrontationally, which only deepens the sense of separation between them. In these situations, couples therapy plays a vital role by encouraging openness and vulnerability in both partners—qualities that are essential for rebuilding the relationship and moving forward together.

Good communication forms the foundation of every relationship. It involves sharing our internal experiences—our feelings, thoughts, and desires—with our partner. Whether discussing daily responsibilities, intimacy, financial matters, or our deepest hopes and fears, it is vital to express ourselves authentically and with integrity. Equally important is being receptive to our partner’s perspective. While genuine communication is essential, it is not always easy to achieve for a variety of reasons, such as stuck modes of relating, loss of trust, overactive fight, flight, or freeze response. Couples therapy offers valuable support in developing healthy communication skills, helping partners learn how to express themselves and listen to one another effectively.

Lack of communication

Unconscious attachment patterns greatly shape how individuals form and maintain relationships, affecting communication, intimacy, and how conflicts are managed. The dynamics established in our earliest bonds with caregivers serve as a blueprint that influences all future relationships. This foundational pattern can manifest in various ways, such as creating distance through emotionally shutting others out, excessive neediness, doubts about a partner's availability, and issues related to proximity. Having a clearer understanding of these attachment styles is essential for fostering meaningful change and healthier connections.

Attachment styles

When one person feels betrayed or deceived by the other, it can feel like there’s no going back – yet infidelity is not always a simple case of right and wrong; it can also be a catalyst for change. Couples therapy can help you decipher what this change needs to be.

Infidelity

Financial difficulties can emerge due to various circumstances, such as the birth of a child, redundancy, accidents, or changes in the global economy. These events can significantly impact the financial stability of individuals and couples. Financial struggles often contribute to increased tension, anxiety, and stress within relationships. The pressures arising from monetary concerns can affect communication and mutual understanding between partners. By acknowledging and addressing these anxieties together, couples can better support each other and strengthen their partnership in the face of financial challenges.

Money issues

Thankfully we have become a culture where we can talk more openly about sex, but we can still carry shame around certain areas such as, erectile dysfunction – Vaginismus – lack of desire – one person wants more sex than the other - Intimacy but no sex - Sex but no intimacy – sexual/body shame – porn addiction - Being able to discuss sexual needs, desires, boundaries, consent, power dynamics, are often tricky areas to navigate, but necessary to persevere for a healthy sexual connection.

Sexual issues

Emotional Connection

Developing a meaningful emotional connection relies on several key factors, such as, healthy boundaries, listening skills, empathy, play, touch, knowing how to be with difficult feelings and communicating clearly.

Many individuals find some of these aspects challenging to master. Working within a safe and structured space, particularly with the support of a therapist, can be pivotal. This setting not only allows for the development and strengthening of these skills but also provides an opportunity to address and understand any barriers that may arise.

Improving Communication

One of the most common reasons people experience difficulties in their relationships is a lack of open, heartfelt communication. Conversations can quickly become fraught—sometimes turning into contentious arguments, periods of cold silence, or exchanges of sarcastic remarks. In such situations, people often build emotional walls to protect themselves, making meaningful connection even more challenging.

When communication breaks down, it’s easy for comments from a partner to feel like personal attacks, prompting defensive responses and further escalation. This cycle of misunderstanding and hurt can quickly spin out of control, making it hard to resolve underlying issues.

Therapy offers a safe environment to address and work through these patterns. It’s not only about learning polite ways to speak to one another; rather, it’s about fostering honest, authentic dialogue and recognising that the relationship itself is something unique and worth nurturing. Therapy provides space to explore what lies beneath the surface, beyond the immediate arguments.

A crucial aspect of this process involves learning to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and understanding that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Within therapy, individuals can come to recognise that they are safe, and that some of their emotional responses may be rooted in past experiences. These are just a few of the areas that might be explored in a session, with the shared goal of building a healthier, more resilient relationship.

Couples often face significant changes, such as children leaving home, co-parenting, adjusting to new relationships, welcoming a new child, moving to a new home, or coping with the loss of a family member. Each of these transitions presents unique challenges that can impact both individuals and their partnership. Couples therapy can help partners discuss and navigate these changes, offering a supportive environment to facilitate smoother transitions, enhance communication, and help couples navigate new challenges together.

Adapting to new circumstances

Ending a relationship often involves experiencing grief and loss. However, there are times when either both or one partner, recognises that it is time to move on and seeks support in ending in the best way possible.

Couples therapy can provide a supportive space for this process, especially when factors such as children, shared pets, a home, the beginning of a new relationship for one partner, or significant changes in circumstances are involved. The unique situation of each relationship will shape the most appropriate path forward for achieving closure.

A desire to end amicably

Relationship recharge

If your relationship is moving along steadily but you’d like to deepen your connection, it can be valuable to focus intentionally on emotional and sexual intimacy. Strengthening communication, rekindling romance, and carving out time for play and shared experiences are all important steps.

These sessions might include engaging in (non-sexual) intimacy exercises as a couple, whether during the sessions themselves or at home. You might also set aside dedicated time for date nights, creating opportunities for meaningful connection. These experiences can then be reflected on and discussed in future sessions, supporting ongoing growth in your relationship.

Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy often represents one of the most vulnerable and profound ways in which we connect with another person. Engaging in sexual intimacy can require us to lower our defences, opening our hearts and becoming more emotionally aware. In these moments, we may become conscious of our fears, hopes, desires, and even the parts of ourselves that we might feel ashamed of. Past wounds or unresolved issues can also surface during such intimate encounters. It is at these points that difficulties in sexual intimacy may start to emerge.

Sometimes, support is needed to express our boundaries or to understand why something that was once a source of pleasure now feels challenging. A variety of factors can influence sexual intimacy. These might include menopause, erectile dysfunction, anxiety, the resurfacing of sexual trauma, falling out of love, a decrease in interest, body dysmorphia, among many other issues. Each of these can contribute to making sexual intimacy feel difficult or complicated rather than fulfilling.

Exploring issues around sexual intimacy with a couples therapist can offer valuable guidance and support. Therapy provides a safe environment to address these concerns, helping couples to move forward together and rebuild a more satisfying intimate connection.

Constant Destructive arguing

It is natural for couples to experience arguments and disagreements. Such conflicts can be indicative of a healthy dynamic, where individuals feel comfortable expressing differing viewpoints. However, when conflict becomes pervasive and overshadows the relationship, it may be a sign that vulnerability and trust have diminished.

Persistent disagreements often mask deeper, unspoken emotions. Addressing and voicing these underlying feelings is crucial for restoring trust and encouraging vulnerability between partners. Open communication about these deeper concerns can help break cycles of conflict. Couples therapy provides a safe and structured space for partners to navigate conflict, share their feelings, and work toward rebuilding trust. Through guided conversations and therapy exercises, therapy supports couples in rediscovering vulnerability and strengthening their relationship.